At The Bottom Of Everything
by Summersetlights
Summary: When English partners, Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy, both can't sleep, they make a night of it. One night turns into every night, leading them into a tornado of feelings. But will untold secrets come out? Or will the secrets stay hidden forever?
1. Chapter 1

**_I'm stepping out of my one-shot world!_**

**_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. Definetly...No._**

**_I'm actually really looking forward to this story! Hope you enjoy!_**

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><p><em>This wasn't right.<em>

_Oh, man. This wasn't right._

Elijah Goldsworthy ignored the voices arguing in his head. It felt like he was in a stupid sit-com, that's how cliche it was. He could almost see the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.

His feet stuck to the sidewalk and he felt his heart grow heavier with every step he took. His fingers scraped repeatedly against his palm in worry. He knew what he was doing was wrong, he knew it from every inch of his body, but he also knew that he had to do this. He had to do this to save his home.

Everyone that passed by Eli gave him the shivers. They knew. Or, that was his first thought. The people would just walk by him in slight disgust of the boy. They thought that he was on drugs from the way his eyes bugged out.

Now, what Eli was doing was wrong, but it was also very clever. He had done his research. Eli knew that after church, the church people would walk down to the little bakery for twenty minutes. And Eli also knew that they left the offerings out, the little wooden bowl, the one filled with money, the one on the little table next to the organ. It was out in the open. Just hanging there. No one feared that it would get stolen, having trust that people would have the decency to not steal.

_But I'm an atheist_, Eli thought, trying to calm himself with humor. But that still didn't make him feel better.

Because stealing was stealing. There's no way around it.

Eli stood a safe distance from the church, simply waiting for the Catholic church doors to open and to let the people out. His patience was fading and his heart was becoming heavier and he had a headache. Must be from the sun. Part of him wished that he had worn lighter colors, colors that wouldn't trap the heat. And, he was also wearing a rough texture. Which, even though he failed Earth Science in ninth grade, he remembers that rough textures also trap heat.

_Well, isn't that lovely?_

He could hear the people singing in the church. They were singing their...songs. Hymns was it? Oh, he didn't know. He was an atheist, remember? But the words floated out of the windows of the church and the words found their way to Eli's ear. They swiftly snuggled right into his ear, giving him no choice but to listen.

_Jubilate! Jubilate! Jubilate! Amen!_  
><em>Farther now and farther stealing<em>  
><em>Soft it fades upon the ear.<em>

Stealing, really? That's the only word that stuck with him.

_Was God mocking him? Or...was he mocking God?_

Eli stuck his finger up at the God that he didn't believe in and tried to lighten his heart, which was already filled with heavy stones. He searched his brain for something to think about.

Oh.

_Of course._

His foot started to tap, finding the beat to the song that he just heard last night. He still remembered the guitarist playing on his knees, letting everything play out to the night. And he noticed how free the drummer looked, just simply banging on the drums. And he remembered the singer, who was screaming and letting every bad feeling out. The singer who if you looked him in the eyes for too long, they'd become dead and lifeless, almost as if he had given up. The sad part was that Eli had the same look in his eye.

A rush of noises filled Eli's ears, interrupting his silent guitar solo. The doors to the church had opened and all the little old ladies and the young mothers and the middle-age men in crisis came piling out, all ready for some of the pie that was waiting for them at the bakery. The teenagers came out slowly, all watching each other, waiting for one to make the first move. And one girl did. Eli watched the small, but cute curly-haired girl skip ahead, not caring what the other people her age did. Eli cracked a smile at her innocence and then his smile grew larger as the other teenagers sped up too.

_Just a bunch of sheep_, Eli thought grimly, keeping his eye on the cute girl.

He shook his head and watched as the last few people exited the church. Eli's head rolled back in impatience as the people gossiped. He couldn't see why they couldn't talk about who slept with who, who got drunk last night, who pulled the fire alarm, and who was expelled at school for dating a teacher, at the bakery.

Once the last people came out, he made sure that no one was looking, and dashed to the doors of the church. They were wide open.

Eli felt bad for stealing from such trustful people. But, he shook away the guilt and walked inside.

The church was large and grand, something that you'd see from a movie. The wood on the pews were polished and clean, looking brand-spanking new, and everything had a certain shine about it.

Eli rolled his eyes as he walked up the aisles.

_Sure, they can clean a church perfectly, but schools? Nahh_, he thought and then laughed. Bashing things was fun. At least to him it was.

He saw the offerings on the little table next to the organ. _Jackpot._ A nervous grin spread across his nervous face and he walked to the money. Nervously. His eyebrows raised at the amount of money that was there. These people were _fucking_ generous. Eli opened up his black leather wallet and stuffed all of the money in it. He didn't care if they noticed. Fuck, he didn't even care if he got caught. I mean, really. What were they going to do if he got caught? Sing hymns to him until he died?

Eli laughed darkly at that.

By accident, he knocked over the offering bowl. He turned around without picking it up and sprinted to the front door, tripping on a blue bag as he ran. But he got to the last pew and turned around, staring at the Jesus who was nailed to the golden cross, he shivered because he felt like the statue Jesus was watching him. And he thought of that innocent, curly-haired girl that had caught his attention.

And he wondered if she would be disappointed in him if she found out what he did.

Once the answer came to him, he shook his head violently and finished his trip to the door.

His heart was heavy and his wallet was full.

_**Clare.**_

She trudged back up the hill, grumbling darkly. Only she would forget her purse. In fact, she hadn't even been the one to notice that it was missing. It was the weird ten-year-old, Jake, that had told her. So, she had told the others that she was going to get her bag.

And she could get her pie later, right?

Clare made her way across the grass, the grass that was the front yard to the church. She walked up the stone steps slowly, the result in losing her energy walking up the very steep hill.

Being in the church had always calmed her. It always calmed her in ways that she couldn't explain. In ways that one couldn't define. She was proud about her faith, even though she had gotten crap about it.

Clare spotted her blue bag and she ran towards in relief. She picked up the old sack and hugged it to her chest. She didn't know what she'd have done if it were gone for good.

She smiled up at the statue of Jesus on the cross and felt the warmth of something unexplainable come over her. She shut her eyes slowly, taking in the warmth and then turned around to go back outside, hugging her bag to her chest.

Clare did not notice the empty bowl on the ground.

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><p><em><strong>Review? :)<strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Things might not make sense now, but it will, I promise._**

**_When I say "home" in this story, I don't mean where Eli lives. You'll see._**

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><p><strong><em>Eli<em>**

_The lights dimmed and then fully went out._

_Chanting of the crowd began._

_The hit of the drums was heard._

_And then, the screech of the singer's voice was heard._

And that's when he started to feel.

The music pounded into his ears relentlessly, giving no mercy, not that he was asking for any. He felt like he was the only one in that small underground venue. There was no one around him. It was just him and his vibrating soul. Every chord, every scream, every single noise had him feeling electrified. There was something about being in a crowd, listening to music, and feeling like you are by yourself that made him crazy. In a way, it was more of a home than anything that he'd ever had before.

He also liked how if you looked around, you could see everybody looking on stage, lost in whatever they felt. No one was worried about anything. No one was worrying and thinking about the next day. Everybody was in the now and had left everything else behind in a cloud of dust.

That was the power of music.

Eli felt his eyes close and his walls fall down. He swayed to the music, in the same motion of everyone else. His feet were moving by themselves and his mind focused on the sweet sound of the voice singing sadly into the microphone. The people around him, the people that came to this place every single weekend, the screwed up ones, swayed with him. The crowd was a unit, all in it for that same release and same kind of hope. It was _easy_ to feel alone in a crowd, but with a crowd listening to music, it's _hard_ to feel alone.

And then, like every weekend, realty caught up with the people in the crowd. The concert was over and would start again next week.

Everybody grumbled and started to leave. Eli simply stood there, staring at the now empty stage.

And as fast as his walls fell down, they came back up quicker and stronger than ever.

**_Clare_**

Her parents watched her. And it wasn't a nice stare where pleasant things happened afterwards. It was a glare.

_What did she do?_

Clare's heart was beating rapidly against her shirt. Hell, she wouldn't be surprised if they could hear it. Sweat formed by her brow and her lips was being chewed off by her teeth.

_She didn't need the lip anyway..._

"Are you guys okay?" Clare asked, her voice trembling slightly. God, their stares were absolutely frightening.

Randall Edwards sighed and ran his fingers through his balding hair, of course, that was his habit, a reaction to everything.

_Found out that his daughter is in the hospital for attempting suicide? _

_He ran his fingers through his hair._

_Every fight that he has with his wife?_

_Oh look, his fingers are running through his hair. How unusual._

He almost had no hair left and Clare always wondered what he would do after he had no more hair.

Clare was still thinking when her father answered, his question odd, "Is it our fighting?" Clare raised her eyebrow and cocked her head to the side. Helen Edwards just sat. Silently.

"Is what your fighting?" Clare asked, honestly confused. She shifted in her seat, leaning towards her parents.

Her father just ran his fingers through his hair.

Her mom just sat quietly.

"Somebody stole from the church. The money was stolen from the offering bowl." Her father said gravelly, looking at Clare suspiciously.

"Oh!" Clare exclaimed. It made her sick to her stomach that someone would do such a thing. What kind of sick, twisted-

"The last person in the church was you."

_Ah._

Clare was speechless. Did they really believe that she did that? Yes, she was changing this year, but to steal? Did they even know her at all? They couldn't possibly think that she'd actually steal.

_Right?_

Randall Edwards stood up when she didn't answer, answering Clare's unspoken question. Helen Edwards just stayed silent, not giving anything away. She gave a questioning look at her mom. Helen Edwards just turned away, giving Clare all the answers that she needed.

Yes. Yes, they did think that she stole.

**_Eli_**

Thanks, bud!" Matt said, slapping Eli on the back. Hard.

Matt like an older brother. He had been the first one to start the secret venue. And he had met Eli at one of the early shows and Bam!-they became good friends and Eli got a job of cleaning up afterwards.

And Eli didn't even care.

This place was his home.

"Hm?" Eli questioned, sweeping the concrete ground. Through the years, he had learned that people were pains and never took care of their crap, which left him to sweeping for two hours. He wasn't complaining but honestly, it's common courtesy.

"The money, man! You didn't have to, but because of you," Matt ruffled Eli's hair fondly, "We can have a few more shows! I mean, I got money from other people, but man, you gave me the mother-load." Matt sighed and counted the money that he had made that night.

"People just aren't feeling the music anymore." Eli murmured, looking around the place. In total honesty, the building was hideous, but that just added to its beauty.

"Nah, people just need to move on. Just like we all have to someday." Matt pointed his look at Eli, referring to something beyond the building. "Yeah, this place is great when you want to escape, but everybody has to face realty sometime." Matt started to pack up, his back was filled to the top with stuff, causing him to walk slow.

"I don't have to." Eli mumbled, looking down at the non-existent dirt that he wasn't picking up.

Matt chuckled and shook his shaggy hair out of his eyes. "No one wants to. It's just a part of growing up, kid."

Eli wanted to shake his head and stick his tongue out and throw a fit at the thought of growing up. Fuck, he wanted to be Peter Pan. He could fly away from home, meet the lost boys, become acquainted with pirates. Now, who wouldn't want that life?

But he kept his mouth shut and continued to sweep.

"Can you lock up? I need to get home." Matt asked, knowing the answer was yes. Eli nodded. Of course. "Oh, and don't forget to have the band members sign the wall, alright? ...Joe always forgets to ask them, no matter how many times I remind him." Matt pointed to the wall of signatures and headed towards the door. "Thanks, man. You're a great kid." And with that, he walked out.

_You're a great kid?_

_Who the hell says that?,_ Eli thought and chuckled at the weird guy. Matt was just...different. A bit of a ditz, but his heart was in the right place.

Eli poured the dirt that he had gathered off the ground, and into the trashcan. Finally. He was done. He rolled his head around and tried to relax his stiff muscles. He wheeled the big trash can over to the side of the room and looked around the place, seeing if he could clean anything else. I mean, that's what happens when you have a home, right? You take care of it.

He shuffled his feet on the hard concrete floor and slid. He remembered doing that in his socks a couple of years ago. He'd run quickly across the room and then just slide. And then at the last minute, he stop himself before he ran into the wall. And he remembered the one time when he did that, but hit the wall. _She_ couldn't stop laughing. Julia was-

Eli's stomach fell and he stopped shuffling his feet and closed his eyes for a moment. He suddenly felt a presence above him and he looked on the stage to find the band members looking at him.

"Do you have a sharpie?" The drummer asked awkwardly. Eli nodded silently and pointed to the desk next to the wall of names. The guys nodded and shuffled to the wall, taking their time to look at all the names.

Eli just wanted them to go, he had a headache and he had _her_ laugh in his mind. Eli watched each guy pass the marker down the line, each one left when they finished signing. The last one to sign was the drummer and he looked at the heart with the two names in it. His gaze was curious.

"Eli and Julia. They must have been in love." The drummer murmured thoughtfully, reading the names inside the heart.

"Yeah, they must have." Eli whispered, his heart breaking, loudly. The drummer just nodded and signed his name quickly, his last name found its way into the Eli and Julia heart. He nodded awkwardly at Eli and left.

Eli walked to the heart and touched it with his fingers, the paint that they had used was flaking.

Maybe things that seemed permanent, weren't.

And he looked at the part missing from the heart, the part that had flaked off, and he turned away, not wanting to admit that the heart was not permanent


	3. Chapter 3

_Look up Northern Downpour. Do it. Before you read this. God, that song can make me cry in a heartbeat._

_So, that's the song that I listened to while I wrote this and just listen to it. It's beautiful._

_This chapter is dedicated to **Devin The Fabulous**. Honestly, your reviews either make me giggle like a madman, or smile like a little kid on Christmas._

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><p><em><strong>Eli<strong>_

"Oh, baby boy!"

_Oh. My. God._

This was a ritual with CeCe. She was very conservative about her emotions, but as soon as Eli came downstairs on every single first day of school, she cried. Especially now that Eli was starting a new school, her floodgates opened. And like always, Eli truly never knew what to do. He wasn't a parent, therefore, he could understand the pain of sending your kid to school.

Hell, even Bullfrog didn't understand. He just stood there, watching his wife watch their only son.

CeCe ran forward to the uncomfortable Eli and squeezed him tightly in her arms. Eli winced at her strength.

_Must be from all the rock concerts,_ Eli thought and almost laughed, but couldn't due to the crying woman in his arms.

"Can I get in on this?" Bullfrog said from behind CeCe, his arms wide open. CeCe laughed and cried and choked on her tears all at the same time, making her sound like a hissing cat. Bullfrog pulled his wife and son in a painful embrace and squeezed them until they were red in the face.

"Now, son, what did we say 'bout making your mother cry?"

Eli flashed his father a grin and Bullfrog patted his shoulder fondly. "Especially now, Eli. Your mother is a tad bit emotional." Bullfrog whispered, loud enough for CeCe to hear. CeCe chuckled and smacked him.

"Says the man who cries while watching animal planet." CeCe replied snarkily, causing a snicker to pop out of Eli's lips.

"Fair enough."

.

.

.

_"Is that a hearse?"_

"No, it's actually a fire truck, can't you tell?"

_"Why are you wearing all black?"_

"Because I'm the fucking grim reaper, haven't you noticed?"

People stared at him, watching his every move. And that was odd for Eli. He was so used to being ignored that the attention was uncomfortable. And it wasn't normal stares. These kids were judging him. They would rake their eyes down his body and then would smirk, and then would turn around to their friend to talk about how stupid he looked. He hated being stared at, looked at. He just wanted to go in Morty and stay there. He wanted to lay in the backseat and close the curtains, just like he wanted to close the curtains to his heart.

_'Curtains to my heart?_', Eli thought, _Maybe I really am emo..._

Eli laughed bitterly and swung his bangs out of his face. He walked to his locker with haste and looked at the combination that he had written on his hand. Two of the numbers had smudged and Eli squinted at his writing with frustration, his patience wearing thin. Maybe the combination was _8-28-38_? Eli tried the combination.

No luck.

He chewed on his lip in aggravation and a little drop of blood spread across his bottom lip quickly. His tongue swiped across the blood, just to have more blood spread. Eli dropped his book bag, the weight was putting too much pressure on his shoulders, and he ran his long fingers through his wild hair. His pulse was rapid and he felt his heart thump dramatically.

Everything seemed to be going wrong. He couldn't open his locker, class was about to start in less than five minutes, he couldn't find his schedule and was sure that it had fallen out of his pocket, people were staring at him and giving him looks that made him feel like a bug, and the blood from his lip that had traveled into his mouth was now leaving a metallic after-taste.

And all these small things made Eli want to just seep into the tiles. He wanted to become the floor and the walls.

He wanted to go home and hide under the covers. Though, he was sure that CeCe wouldn't really like that. Just a hunch that he had.

Irritation seeped into his pores and he tried his combination again, this time trying different numbers than the last time he tried. _12-38-18._ He held his breath, this combination held the future of his mood. If it worked, he'd be happy. Hell, he'd do a fucking cartwheel if that's what it came down to. And if it didn't work, then he'd probably go into a corner, cry, and then hate the world. It was funny how a silly, small, metal lock could control his happiness.

_That's what happens when you're crazy_, he thought and put in 18, the last number of the combination. He held his breath, and slowly tried to open his locker.

Nope.

Eli growled in frustration and smacked his palm on his locker, taking all of his anger out on the locker. He saw the people around him jump and look at him, they were almost scared. He almost laughed at the looks. They never really knew when to look away...

_Why don't you stare a bit longer?,_ He thought sarcastically.

Great. Fucking fantastic.

He wasn't even half-way through his day and people were judging him.

_You're just being stupid and insecure_, He scolded himself. And he threw his backpack over his shoulder again and squared his shoulders. So what? He'd carry his book bag around. He'd guess what classes that he had to go to and he'd make sure that he wouldn't give a damn. So after that thought, Eli put a smirk on his face and walked away with confidence.

But somehow, every step that he took, his insecurities found him.

.

.

.

Eli walked out of the office, with schedule and locker combination in hand. After the I-don't-give-a-fuck facade ended and he was just wandering the halls endlessly, he decided to just give up and go to the office.

First, he had Perino.

_Perino?,_ Eli thought with a smirk, _That sounds like a type of dog food._

At this time, Eli didn't care. He just wanted the day to be over.

_**Clare**_

"Where are you going now?"

Alli was almost jumping up and down from the excitement of being in school. She loved school, not for the learning, but for the drama that took place in every hallway. In fact, she went looking for drama. She walked the hallways, looking for a catfight, or even a small disagreement. Drama kept her alive. It kept her buzzing and sane.

And Clare mostly ran away from it.

Clare looked at her schedule and looked down to fifth period. "I have lunch." She said, looking up at Alli, silently asking what she had next.

Alli frowned and her excited body movements stopped for a few seconds, but then started back up again automatically. "Gah! I have a study block." Alli sighed and moaned with aggravation and Clare pretended to be irritated too, even though a part of her was glad to have a little bit of alone time.

The bell rang loudly and Alli looked up at it with impatience, and Clare giggled silently at the irony of it. Alli started to walk backwards, keeping her eyes on Clare. "Okay, Clare, I have to go but don't have too much fun without me."

Clare smiled just for her best friends sake and turned the other way to the cafeteria. She actually liked the silence as she walked. So many things have happened over the weekend and she just needed peace and quiet. I mean, she loved Alli, but sometimes she didn't want to know who-hooked-up-with-who. Drama was something that she found to be quite...rude. She didn't want nasty rumors going around the school about her, so why should she say anything about anyone else? Wasn't that the Golden Rule? Treat other how you would want to be treated?

She tugged on her cross necklace, the one that her father had given her when she was little, and also the one that had weighed her down ever since the weekend, and clenched it into her hand, making it engrave the shape into her soft flesh. She let go of the necklace and glanced at her hand, wondering how something that she believed in could be the reason for her families distress.

After the discussion with her parents, they pretty much ignored her. It was like she had never existed. They gave her dinner and then left to go to their separate corners, and left Clare to eat by herself. Now don't me wrong, she liked to be alone, loved is actually the right word, but she liked it when it was her choice. She liked it when she decided to be alone, not when people decided for her.

As she got closer to the cafeteria, part of her wanted to skip lunch and hide in the bathroom.

But the cafeteria had food...

_I'm such a loser_, Clare thought as she sat alone at a table. She was actually now wishing that Alli had lunch with her. Being in peace and quiet was one thing but sitting alone, with nothing to do, was another.

She stared around the room, trying to lose herself in nothing. But all she could hear was the screaming of the teenagers and the squeals of the girls and the loud, show-offy laughs from the guys. And a part of her wished that she could be apart of it. But the other part of her shut that thought down and told her that she was better than everyone in the school.

Too bad she didn't believe it.

She wasn't better than anyone.

She was nothing.

In fact, the dirt on the bottom of her shoe was better than her. Because didn't you hear? She was a thief.

And with that thought, she stood up quickly, through her lunch in the trash, and rushed out of the cafeteria.

.

.

.

_**Eli**_

He walked around the school, searching for room 258. He had English class this period and he had been running around the school for at least ten minutes. Sure, he had orientation, but that only lasted for like, five minutes. Not enough time for him to memorize where he was supposed to go.

Eli clenched his hands into fists and angrily sighed.

Today was not working out.

Not that he had high hopes but...this was just sad.

Room 227.

Room 238.

Room 250.

Room 259...

Eli stopped and grinned when he finally found the door. It was a small victory in a big day, but it was still a victory.

He pushed open the door and came into awkward silence as everyone stared at him, except one girl that had her head down on the desk.

"You're late." A brisk voice called out from the front of the room. Eli looked up to see a middle-aged woman sitting at the edge of her desk, obviously in the middle of a speech.

"And here I was thinking that I was early. Silly me, I guess." Eli gasped with mock-surprise. A few snickers were heard throughout the room, and even the teacher smiled. The teacher motioned to the empty seat in front a girl with curly hair. Eli nodded his head and slid into the seat.

.

.

.

**_Eli._**

"Now, this project is due at the end of the semester, but I want you to get a heads up on it, okay?" Mrs. Dawes put little papers into a hat and shook it up. She started in the first row and pushed the hat to the first kid. "In this hat, there are little pieces of paper with a word on it. Whatever word or sentence you get, you have to write an essay on it. I don't want facts, I just want feelings." She was now on the second row. A small, feminine looking boy picked a white paper, looked at it, and then paled. The boy stuck the piece of paper in his pocket and crossed his arms.

"And trust me, I know that every teenager has feelings, so don't put those feelings away while writing. I want to see your every thought and every emotion. I want to see what lurks behind your stares and what is in the fiery depths of your soul." She was going on the third row now and Eli was having trouble not laughing.

Fiery souls?

Really?

Eli put his hand into the hat and pulled out a piece of paper.

_Home._

He frowned and bit his lip, taking off the scab that had formed there ever since this morning.

_But, what if I don't know what home is?,_ Eli thought, his heart sinking.

But he bit his lip, because admitting that you didn't have a home was looked down upon in his mind.

That's one step into letting people know how messed up you are.

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><p><em>God, I'm sorry that this is boring and horrible. The next few chapters are going to be more interesting. I'm just building up some situations.<em>

_Review?_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Thank you so much for all of your reviews!_**

**_God, it absolutely makes my day :)_**

**_Oh. I curse in my stories...so if you don't like that...I'm sorry._**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. And I don't own the short story, The Lady Or The Tiger. And I don't own the story, Diary._**

**_If you've never read the lady or the tiger...it's this short story where this guy is in an arena. He can choose one of two doors. one door has a lady behind it and the other had a tiger behind it. And if he picks the door with the lady, he has to marry her, no exeptions. But if he chooses the tiger...well you know. But you soon find out that the princess is in the crowd and she and the man are in love. And if he chooses the door with the lady, they can't be together. (Of course, he has no idea what door has which behind it) So, the man is in the arena and he looks to the princess and she signals to go to the right door. He walks to the right door and..._**

**_That's when the story ends. You're free to make your own opinions. _**

**_I think that this story is even online! Go and read it! It's pretty short._**

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><p><strong><em>Clare<em>**

Silence.

That was all she heard.

The dining room table was silent and the breakfast was hard to swallow due to the heavy tension in the air.

"Where's dad?" Clare asked, her mouth full of pancakes. Mrs. Edwards shot her a dark look, one that was code for shut-your-mouth. Clare closed her mouth and swallowed. "Where's dad?" She tried again, and Helen Edwards looked even more agitated.

"Can I have the salt, Clare?" Mrs. Edwards asked and didn't answer Clare's question. She was too busy reading a magazine, not paying attention to her daughter.

_It's just a stupid magazine, with stupid people, and stupid words_, Clare thought. And she reached over to grab the salt.

"You want the salt? But what if I steal it?"

**_Eli_**

"Fuck, yes!" Eli hollered, after having success with opening his locker. The few people that were in the hallway stared at him, but he ignored them. He had been fighting with that fucking locker all week and finally, he had opened it on the first try. He really didn't care if they thought if he was crazy or not.

_Life is good_, Eli thought smugly. And he didn't even care that it was slightly pathetic that he was smug over his victory with a stupid metal locker.

Eli put everything in his locker and started down the empty hallway. He had came early to school to print out his homework for Dawes. Last night, his printer decided to break, and after many curse words later, he sent it to his e-mail.

He walked into the computer lab and there was only one other person in there. It was the boy that Eli sat across from in English. The slightly feminine one, the one that always wore beanies. The boy was quiet and always had his arms over his chest.

"'Sup?" The boy muttered to Eli, and Eli snickered in his head.

_'Sup?_

_Oh dear lord..._

Eli nodded and sat down at the first computer chair. He turned the computer on and waited for it to load. He spun himself in the chair, trying to keep himself busy. He had learned that the computers were known for being slow. As he spun around, he noticed that the boy-whatever his name was- was staring at him. Eli smiled awkwardly and spun around again so that he was facing the computer. He tapped his nails on the desk lightly, his patience wearing thin.

"Are you printing your English assignment?" A voice popped up right behind Eli and he jumped up slightly.

"Jesus-fucking-Christ!" Eli sputtered out and the boy behind him put his hand on Eli's shoulder.

"Oh, man. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

Eli cut him off and spun around, with a slight smile. "Nah, it's okay. I'm used to people creeping up on me in the morning, nothing big."

"Good to know, bro, good to know." The boy grinned and then gasped. "Oh! My name's Adam."

"Adam?" Eli repeated.

"Yeah, you know, like Adam and Eve? Adam Brody? Adam Ross-"

"Adam Ross?" Eli interrupted, his voice rose with excitement.

"Yeah! Deadhand!" Adam's eyes shone brightly and he smiled widely. He pulled his plaid jacket away and underneath it was a DeadHand shirt. Eli grinned and pulled back his black jacket, revealing a very similar shirt, except the coloring was black instead of brown.

"Did you ever see them in concert?" Adam asked and he pulled up one the of the spinny chairs and rolled it over to where Eli was. He sat in it and leaned closer to Eli, his gaze intense.

"Twice." Eli said smugly, a proud grin on his face.

"Fuck you, man." Adam muttered, an awed expression on his face. "How was Adam Ross? Was he-"

"God-like?" Eli asked, his smile was wider than it had been in a while. "Jaw-dropping? Fucking amazing? You have no idea. Just hearing him sing...best experience of my life."

"Shit." Adam groaned and leaned back into his chair, his head in his face. "I've never been so jealous of someone. Not even when I was little and my mom took my brother to Sesame Streets on ice, but didn't take me. And man, I was jealous then."

Eli snickered and shook his head in amusement. "They're coming to Toronto. You should go."

Adam breathed in air and it suddenly came out with a 'whoosh'. "What a wonderful idea! But I have no money, and apparently you need money to get tickets? Who knew?"

"You don't say?" Eli said, his voice mocking.

Adam laughed and Eli looked at him.

"I'm Eli."

.

.

.

"Today we're reading _The Lady or the Tiger_." Ms. Dawes said, handing out photocopied copies of the story. "I'll put you into groups of three or four and you'll read it by yourself, and then you'll discuss it."

Eli looked down at the short story, a little irritated that he had already read it. He sighed and waited for Ms. Dawes to pick partners. He didn't really know anyone yet, other than Adam, so he didn't really care who he got stuck with. He just didn't want to get stuck with the girl in front of him.

_Her hair is extra curly today_, Eli thought. And he stared at the girl, Clare.

_She's very beautiful_, Eli thought and that was the exact reason why he couldn't be partners with her.

"Adam, Clare, and Eli." Ms. Dawes called out and Eli almost laughed in irony.

_Karma is a bitch._

The three turned their desks around so that they were facing each other. Clare smiled awkwardly at the two of them and dived right into the booklet. Eli and Adam grinned at the girl. She was obviously not used to being in the attention of the male eye. Because Eli had already read this story, he looked around the class room while Adam and Clare read.

"Aren't you going to read?" Adam whispered and Eli shook his head, whispering that he had read it before. Adam nodded and looked back down at the photocopied pages.

Eli took out the sharpie from his pocket and began to draw on his nails, something that he often did when he was bored. The black marker started to dry on his thumb and he went over it again, trying to make the black darker than the thin coat it was now. He wasn't really sure why he did this, but it started when he was in sixth grade. He saw his father wearing nail polish, so Eli grabbed the next best thing: A sharpie. Bullfrog was in hysterics when Eli got in trouble for coloring his nails with something permanent.

He felt a pair of eyes look at him, so he glanced up and saw Clare. Her blue eyes were settled on his black nails. Her gaze was neither harsh, nor judgmental, she was just simply staring. After a few moments, Clare looked up and her eyes caught Eli's. Eli felt a mixture of feelings towards the girl. First off, her gaze sent him into a tailspin and he had no idea why. Second off, before, when they were turning their desks to face each other, their hands touched. And her touch was fucking electric.

"I think it was the lady behind the door." Clare blurted out, unable to take Eli's intense gaze. Adam was still reading and his eyes went faster, so that he could be apart of their conversation.

"No. It was definitely the tiger." Eli leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. Clare shook her head, her curls bouncing around her.

"It was the lady behind the door. When you love someone, you'll do everything in your power to keep them safe." She leaned forward, her eyes blazing with a fire and set a foreign feeling in Eli's stomach.

"I actually think-" Adam started, but was interrupted by Eli.

"You have obviously never been in love. When you're in love, yeah, you want your loved one to be safe, but sometimes you're selfish. Sometimes you love them so much that only you want to be with them." Eli leaned forward, too. He flicked his hair out of his eyes and looked right into Clare's blue eyes, and immediately regretted it.

_She has the most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen_, Eli thought, and mentally smacked himself across the head.

"Oh, right. Like you've been in love." Clare retorted, a frustration growing in her voice. Her voice was taunting and that set a fire in Eli.

"I think-" Adam started again, but Clare glared him down, and he shrunk back down in his chair.

Eli's chin stuck out and his eyes narrowed. "I actually have been, hence why I'm arguing with you."

"That's complete and utter-"

"Oh! Finally! You are discussing it!" Mrs. Dawes turned to the class and clapped her hands in excitement. "Class! Now, this group right here is doing what I want! I want you to dissect the book. I want you to relate it to your life. I want you to look into it and mold this story into your life! Come on, people!" The class looked at her blankly and she sighed, and turned back to the three.

"You obviously work well together. You'll be English partners!" Ms. Dawes looked pleased with her idea, and she smiled.

"I don't need a partner...I don't need partners." Clare corrected, looking back at the two boys.

Ms. Dawes sighed and looked at Clare. "You're a great writer, Clare. But, and yes there's a but, you're writing is very impersonal. I get no emotion from you. And that's what I'm looking for. Writing is not supposed to be about the facts. It's supposed to come from the heart."

_What is this? Some 80's movie? 'Come from the heart' ...maybe I'm not the only 'emo' one_, Eli thought, and snorted.

The middle-aged teacher turned her stare towards Eli and gave him a scolding glare. "Mock all you want, Mr. Goldsworthy. But where else does the writing come from? Your pants?" Adam choked on his gum when she said this and Eli had to hit him on the back.

"Can I have an example? Can you show me examples of my writing that's impersonal, so I can work on it?" Clare frowned, she was still trying to figure out her writing, and paid no attention to what happened.

"Come on up. I'll have to find something." Ms. Dawes smiled and motioned for Clare to follow her to her desk.

They walked to Ms. Dawes desk and Eli stared at Clare. He couldn't deny it. She was beautiful. No, she was more than beautiful. She was angel. And my god, she made him feel more things in a minute than what he had felt in a year. And man, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. It wasn't just the fact that she was beautiful, though. And that surprised Eli. Sure, since _she_ died he had noticed that certain girls were pretty, but he had never acted on that feeling. But with Clare-

"She's cute, huh?" Adam whispered, interrupting Eli's thoughts. "I'd never date her, she'd probably end up murdering me, but she sure is nice to look at." He said, referring to the spitfire in her.

Eli shrugged and looked at the girl speaking passionately to Ms. Dawes. Her arms were flailing and she was talking spiritedly about her paper. Eli smirked at the back of her and suddenly had a strange urge to wrap his arms around her and bend down to-

_Stop_, Eli commanded himself roughly, seeing _her_ face flash in his mind.

"I've seen better." Eli murmured under his breath, even though Adam had asked the question ages ago.

_I've seen better?_

In the back of his mind, he knew that that was false.

And that was the scariest thing of all.

_._

_._

_._

_"Hey, Eli?" Julia asked, her eyes still on the musicians. Her feet swung dangerously over the balcony, but she held onto the railings._

_"Mh-hm?" Eli turned to stare at his beautiful girlfriend, a bit confused. Julia was never one to talk during a concert. In fact, talking at a concert was against everything that she believed in._

_"I like it up here." She admitted, making Eli smile. "It makes me feel...free, I guess."_

_Eli smiled and a part of him started to love her even more than he already did. Because Julia got it. She understood it. She understood him. And Eli couldn't ask for anything else. She was a gift that he was sure that he didn't deserve, but he took it anyway. He knew that he was being selfish, but he couldn't let her go. _

_"I like it here too." Eli whispered back, the powerful emotion that he felt for her was unnerving._

_She grinned a rare grin that he barely saw, and had only seen when she was truly happy. "And, Eli?" Julia said as an afterthought._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do you promise that we'll always come here? Like, we'll always come to these concerts? Even if we're old and gray?" Julia looked at him, her intense glare piercing into him._

_"I promise." _

Eli sat up on the high sides of the venue, the lyrics pounding into his head like a hammer. He looked down at the playing musicians and tapped his foot lightly to the beat. His nails came kept the beat on the metal railings.

He slipped down onto the ground and sat down, with his feet swinging and hanging off the side. Eli wrapped his arms around the cold, metal railings. It was a whole new experience being up here. Being in the crowd was unexplainable, but so was this. There was something about being high above everyone else and watching the musicians that excited him. It was like standing on a cliff. In a way, it's scary. Especially when you're by yourself. But then you understand the beauty of it and you begin to relax.

But this was before..._that_ happened. Before _she_ died. Eli hadn't been up here since. He knew that memories would push outside of him and would steal his air. He knew that that would happen. And he was right. Memories that he had kept locked inside had come out, sneakily ambushing him. And now, the view was just scary. He could almost feel her next to him, breathing the words and humming the tune. He could almost feel her touch against his skin when her favorite part of a song came on. Even after all this time, he could still feel her.

Eli's stomach trembled helplessly. He felt sweat form on his body, even though the coldness of the railing had just left him shivering.

_"I promise."_

And he had done a good job keeping that promise, but the venue shutting down was out of his control. He couldn't do anything about it.

_But...I promised_, Eli thought. His teeth sank into his lip to control what he was feeling, _I fucking promised._

The band stopped and Eli started to feel empty.

And he couldn't help but look down at the leaving crowd and wonder what would happen if he jumped.

_._

_._

_._

"So, how's school?" Matt ask, trying to hold a conversation. He was counting the ticket money, the amount was less than it had been last week. Eli eyed the money with a trembling stomach.

What would he do when no one came? When no one paid?

That thought terrified him. Because he didn't know the answer.

Actually, he did know the answer. But he didn't like it.

"That bad?" Matt called, in response to Eli's silence.

"No, no. I mean, it's fine, I guess. Nothing special." Eli added with a shrug.

In a way, he was lying. It wasn't fine. He had no friends. People stared at him. And everyone was scared of him, even some of the teachers. Except Ms. Dawes. She actually loved him and thought that while he was wordy, he was also extremely talented. And maybe that's why he threw himself into learning that class. Someone actually took the time to notice him without judging. And that was all that Eli could ask for.

But also, in another way, school was more than fine. Because eighth period, in English, Eli sat behind an angel. Clare. And when Ms. Dawes would pass papers back, she'd always turn back to him with a smile, and give him the papers. In these moments, Eli forgot how to breathe. And now, as English partners, Clare had given him her number so that they could work on The Lady or the Tiger essay together. (She had also given Adam her number. He had all but fainted when she did so.) Her number was burning a hole in his pocket. He wanted to call her, but he knew that he'd fall under the spell of her voice. And if she wanted to work on together? Face-to-face? Oh man, he'd be a dead man.

She also smelled like lavender.

"That's cool." Matt said, barely listening to anything that Eli said. "I always hated school. It was always a waste of time for me. Because I mean, really? Who needs education?" He said, mocking his younger years.

Eli smirked and started to take the full trash bag out of the can. "We don't need no education." He mocked back, referring to the famous song that Matt repeatedly put on repeat.

"Ah, yes. Pink Floyd has never said anything better." Matt said dreamily. He then sighed and shook his head, his hippie-ish hair shook with him. "Well, kid, once again, I have to go. Would you mind locking up for me again? Just make sure that Joe gets out before you...he doesn't remember to lock up. Ever."

Eli pretended to be annoyed by the favor, but really, he enjoyed locking up. "I guess."

"Thanks, man. You are saving my _ass_." Matt chuckled and walked out the door. He had a wife at home and even though she supported and loved the venue, she still wanted him home. Eli would always make jokes about him being whipped, but in all honesty, he was extremely jealous. Matt really loved her and she really loved him, and they were together.

A small tear ran down his cheek and he brushed it off quickly.

_God, don't be such a pansy, Eli._ He thought, shaking his head in frustration. _Don't cry anymore. Be a man, Eli. Be a man for once._

Eli shut down his thoughts and grabbed the broom from the corner and began to sweep. When he was almost done, Eli heard a crash from backstage and his head snapped up in aggravation. He knew what happened.

"Dammit, Joe! That's the second _fucking_ amp that you broke this month!"

.

.

.

**_Clare_**

She typed furiously on the keyboard. Her mind was raging and she had to let it out one way or another. It felt like everything was going wrong and she had no control over it, which scared the shit out of her. Clare liked control. She liked being able to feel calm and stable, and hated feeling off-balance and tipsy. It freaked her out and she didn't know what to do when it happened.

_I remember how Darcy acted after she was raped. That always scared me. I felt like she was slowly slipping and I was letting her. Like, she was hanging onto a cliff on a mountain and I was trying to help her back up, but then I let her go. That's how I felt during that time. And I feel like that now. I feel like I'm slipping out of control and I don't know why. I mean, I'm not comparing my situation to Darcy's, but I'm...I'm just...I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling._

_I just don't know._

Clare leaned back and saved the document under 'History project' and didn't bother to look at it before she closed out of it.

_If only Ms. Dawes read what I wrote now. She'd be happy_, Clare thought bitterly.

She knew that she was feeling bad for herself. She knew that she was having, what her mom would call, a pity-party. She knew this. And Clare also knew that she was probably being whiny. But for the first time in Clare's life, she didn't care. She didn't care if she was annoying anyone or being selfish. She didn't care. And she also knew that not caring wasn't good, but once again, she didn't care.

Clare heard footsteps coming up the stairs, so she stashed her laptop under her pillow and grabbed the book off the little table next to her bed. She quickly opened her book to the appropriate page and got comfortable. She heard the door open softly and she put down her book and pretended to be surprised at her dad being there.

"Hey, kiddo." Randal Edwards said awkwardly. He walked closer to Clare and sat at the edge of her bed. "Wha'cha reading?"

Clare smiled and looked at the cover. "_Diary_. It's by Chuck Palahniuk." Mr. Edwards took the book out of her hands, saving the page with his thumb, and looked at the cover and summary.

"It looks a bit dark." He commented, with worry on his face.

"Oh! But it is!" Clare said enthusiastically, sitting up. "You see, the guy, Peter-"

Randal Edwards interrupted and looked at her. "Shouldn't you be reading something else? Like,...I don't know? Shakespeare? At least you're not reading Virginia Woolf this time..."

Clare scoffed and took her book back. "I read Shakespeare two years ago."

He sighed and looked down in defeat. "I guess you really are growing up, Clare-bear." He looked up at her when he said that, making her heart squeeze.

"Oh, daddy-"

"Never mind. That's not why I wanted to talk to you." He said, all business now. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Given the amount of money that was...stolen...and you said that you didn't have it, I think it would be best if you didn't go to church tomorrow. I think that we should let everything die down and then see where that leaves us, how does that sound?"

_It sounds horrible_, she thought, but decided not to say that.

"Sounds great, daddy." Clare said and put a fake smile on. Randal Edwards smiled.

"That's my girl." He leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of her head, and then headed out her bedroom door.

Clare leaned back on her pillows and sighed heavily.

And she couldn't help but wish that the raven-haired boy would call her.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sorry that this took so long! I've been having a few personal problems and I couldn't really focus on this story. <em>**

**_But I hope you enjoyed, sorry that it sucked._**

**_Review? :)_**

**_Thanks for reading!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Eclarerocks._**_ ...Your review/s are just...thank you. So much._

_Disclaimer: No. I do not own Degrassi._

_At The Bottom Of Everything- Bright Eyes. Look it up. It's amazing._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Eli<em>**

_He came home from school and dropped his book bag off in front of the door and walked into the kitchen and was surprised to find that his parents were not there. They were always there when he came home; planning the radio show and making dinner. So now, Eli was completely thrown off balance. He shrugged and went upstairs._

_He walked into his room, expecting to see the pig-sty that he always left it. (That's what happens when you hoard) But instead, his room was clean and was vacuumed. The windows had been cleaned up and his bed had been made, and even his clothes were folded neatly. Eli felt his vision blurring and felt his breathing get shaky. Sweat formed on his brow and he closed his eyes, trying to keep the light out._

_Breathe, Eli told himself. But he couldn't. He couldn't. Someone had taken a part of him and he couldn't get it back._

_Eli glanced at the closet and noticed that the door wasn't popping out like it normally did. A sick wave of nausea came over him. He walked slowly to the closet and opened it._

_Revealing nothing._

_Absolutely nothing._

_Eli let out a cry and dived into the closet. All of Julia's clothes. All of Julia's things. Her hairbrush. The condom wrapper from their first time. The little love notes that she used to give him, the ones that were sealed with a kiss._

_All gone._

_And he couldn't move. He was stuck in the closet and he felt like the walls were closing in on him. He felt lethargic and queasy. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying not to rip it out. But it was becoming hard. He felt like someone was taking pieces of him. He felt like people were taking his limbs and were slowly and tortuously tearing them off. He felt his insides turn inside out and he didn't know what to do._

_Before it could get worse, Eli jumped up and ran out of his bedroom, knocking down the lamp that stood in his way, and quickly trotted down the stairs, taking two steps at a time._

_Once he was outside, Eli caught his breath on the doorstep. But soon stopped when he heard a noise._

_Eli turned to his left and saw his mother and father and...him?_

_No. No. That can't be?, Eli thought, but knew that it was. I mean, who else drives a hearse?_

_"I can't believe you're going to college already!" He heard CeCe sniffle and even saw Bullfrog wipe a tear. Bullfrog was putting the last of the boxes into the trunk of Morty._

_The other, older Eli grabbed onto them tightly and grinned before saying, "I know. But you'll be good without me."_

_Eli couldn't take it anymore and started running down the street, leaving the other Eli and his parents behind. The wind blowing in his face was soothing and he ran faster, trying to create more of the magical feeling. He couldn't explain what was happening. There were no words to explain, and even if there were, he didn't want to know them. It was better unknown. And hey, maybe he was crazy._

_Unfortunately, he started to feel a bit tired, so he started walking and breathing heavily. He walked passed the houses of his neighborhood and looked at the whit-_

_Yellow house?_

_Eli paused and cocked his head to the side. He could have sworn that the house was white yesterday. But he shrugged and went down the street, stopping at the light gree-_

_...There's no house?_

_Eli started to get a funny feeling in his stomach and started running again. There was only one place to go. There was only one place that he could count on to always be there. His legs went faster then he thought possible. He felt cramps forming on his sides, but ignored it, and ran and didn't stop running until he reached the hideous building. Eli ran up the steps with confidence, because when he walked in, Matt was going to be there. Julia was going to be there. Joe was. That weird kid that smelled like fried fish was going to be there. And everyone would be dancing to the music on stage and he and Julia would be off in the balcony, looking down at everyone. It would be there. He was sure of it._

_He reached the door and he felt a smile form on his face, because here he was, his favorite place in the world. His home. Eli gripped the doorknob and turned, surprised when nothing happened. His brows furrowed together and he bit his lip in concentration._

_Someone must have locked it, Eli thought, but didn't believe it._

_Eli knocked on the door and yelled, "Matt! Let me in!" When he heard nothing, Eli began pounding on the door and before long, his knuckles were bloody._

_His shoulders collapsed and he slumped down to the ground. Eli felt a sob rip out of him. It was primal and scary, something that he couldn't control. And he put his head in his hands shrank against the door, hoping to become the house..._

Eli woke up with a start and started shivering, sitting straight up in bed. He was covered in sweat and his breath was off. Once that he realized that it was just a nightmare, he toppled back over on his pillow, still shivering.

And he realized what his greatest fear was.

.

.

.

He felt his eyes sink in sleepiness the next morning. After the nightmare, he had couldn't go back to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, a flash of the dream popped up in his mind like a movie screen.

_A flash of the once white, now yellow house._

_A flash of CeCe crying, next to an older Eli._

_A flash of an empty closet._

_A flash of-_

"Good morning!" A cheerful voice cried out from the door, and Eli groaned and covered his head with his feather pillow.

CeCe let out a loud laugh and sat at the end of his bed, rubbing his feet from outside the covers. "I'm thinking about going to the paint store. You know...um...What is it called? Green thumb? Middle finger?" She bit her lip in concentration and closed her eyes, trying to remember the store name.

"Sore Wrists?" Eli suggested, his voice muffled from his comforter.

"Yes! Sore wrists! We always had fun when we used to go there, remember? You used to pick out colors and then we'd splatter them on canvas? Remember? We haven't done that in a while," CeCe said dreamily, "But you wanna do that today? You can pick out the colors-colors other than black, mind you-and we can get canvas and-"

"Maybe next week." Eli murmured from underneath the covers and he could almost feel his mother's heart break. He didn't mean to be this way. He hadn't planned it. He loved his mother, but he couldn't even get out of bed. It was like there was a vulture on his shoulders, constantly picking at him, finding every part of flesh that he had. Once again, he loved his mother, but he felt too weak. He was too weak and he hated it.

Eli felt the bed shift and felt his mother climb off. He heard footsteps coming near him and he shut his eyelids tightly.

He felt her bend over to his ear and whisper, "My Eli is in here somewhere. Wherever he is, tell him I miss him." And she stood up straight, and Eli cracked his eyes open a tiny bit to see her walk out the door.

He missed the old Eli too.

But the old Eli wouldn't come back.

**_Clare_**

Her mom walked around the kitchen, getting ready for church. Her heels echoed throughout the house. Her mother hadn't kept still all morning. She always felt it to be necessary to move. Her father just sat at the table and ate, not caring that his eggs and orange juice had dribbled down his stubbly chin and onto his blue shirt. Though, it didn't really matter what went on the shirt. He had just thrown on what he worked in on Friday. Clare counted seven wrinkles on his left sleeve. And she found it funny that her mother wore her best-high heels, dress, make-up, earrings-and her father didn't really give a damn on what he wore. And Clare couldn't help but realize that their clothing attires showed one of their many differences.

_We're all so dysfunctional_, Clare thought as she watched her mother carefully put on lipstick, _We have a "thief", a snob, someone who doesn't keep in contact with us anymore, and a...and a what?_

Clare looked at her father. He shoveled eggs into his mouth and once again, the ketchup-covered-eggs fell onto his shirt. He barely noticed and continued to eat.

_And we have someone who just doesn't care_, Clare thought, a frown spreading on her pink lips, and she turned to look at her mother. She carefully placed a handful of nuts-highinprotein!-into her mouth, trying to not smudge her lipstick, _and maybe she cares too much._

"Clare, honey?" Her mom started, checking her make-up in the cracked mirror in the bathroom, "While we're gone, can you clean up this house? Everything is so disgusting!" And to prove this statement, she swiped her finger across the mirror and waved her pointer finger around, to show the invisible dust.

"Depends," Clare moved closer to the bathroom, "Will creatures of the forest help me?"

Helen Edwards turned around, bobby-pin in hand, and gave Clare a strange look. "Pardon?"

"You know, Cinderella? The mice help her? Gus-Gus? The birds?" Clare felt her stomach clench when her mother's face was still blank, "Come on, you know what I'm talking about. We used to watch it all the time. Darcy and I used to know every line...?"

"Oh! Right. Well, I don't remember much about that." Her mother said shortly, as she did every time someone mentioned Darcy.

"And remember when Darcy and I-"

"Clare," Helen Edwards said in her warning voice, and she put her left hand up to silence her daughter, "not now, okay? Just...not now. We have to go." And she signaled for her husband to follow her out the door. Randall Edwards pushed his chair back from the table, making a screeching sound, and put his plate in the sink.

Her mother walked out to the car and opened the door and got in, her posture stiff. Randall Edwards looked at his daughter sheepishly and bent down to place a kiss on her head.

"Remember what I said last night. We just have to let everything...die down." And when he looked into her eyes, she knew that he knew that she didn't steal anything. And because of that, she offered him a smile, and waved at him when he walked out the door.

At least someone believes me, she thought and watched her parents drive off to her used-to-be-sanctuary.

After her parents left, Clare pulled out her book bag from her room. She had been waiting for one of her partners to call her but when none of them did, she called Adam to set a time to work that day. They agreed on noon and she then called Eli twice, and got no answer.

She packed her bag and set off to the park to meet Adam

.

.

.

"What do you think happened at the end of the story?" Clare asked, after twenty minutes of complete silence. She and Adam sat in the park, on a creaky old picnic table. Adam had been writing furiously and Clare watched him with amusement. At first Adam was no help, he was scared half to death by being in her presence, but he soon got used to her.

Adam shrugged and looked up, resting his head on his right hand. "I think that she sent him to the door with the lady but," Adam gave her a pointed look, when her facial features became smug. He knew that she was thinking about the argument with Eli, "I think that the man thought that he was choosing the door of the tiger, you know? Like, he can't live without the woman, so he thinks that the door is the one to the tiger. But, the woman loves him, right? So, I think that she points him in the direction of the right door, knowing that he's going to think that it's the tiger, but really it's the lady."

Clare narrowed her eyes and leaned in, "You've thought hard about this, haven't you?" And Adam let out a small laugh, picking his pen back up.

"Well, that's what happens when you have nothing better to do," Adam smiled and breathed deeply, closing his eyes. The slight breeze didn't touch his beanie covered hair, "It's nice out."

Clare glanced around the park and gave a small smile, "Yeah. It is."

And he offered one last smile before turning back to his essay.

**_Eli_**

On Monday morning, Eli shut his alarm clock off and shut his eyes tightly, blocking out the light that was visible through the thin curtains. He stayed still in bed, breathing lightly, but when he heard movement from the room next to him, his parents room, he decided that it was time to get up. If Bullfrog, the late riser, was up, Eli knew that he had to get moving.

He stepped into the bathroom and turned on the shower and waited for it to get warm. Once it was warm enough, he stepped underneath the water and relaxed against the wall. The warm water relaxed his muscles and helped ease away the stress that had been on his shoulders. Eli let the water drip down his face, liking the fresh feeling that came with it. And he thought about last night, and how he had called Clare repeatedly, hanging up every time that she picked up.

_"Hello?" Her voice rang in his ear and he cringed, letting out a noise that sounded like a hissing cat._

_"Who is this?"_

_Eli slammed the phone down and closed his eyes, trying to breathe normally. This was the sixth time that he had done that. And he was extremely happy that she didn't have caller ID._

He sighed at his memory.

_Way to be manly, Eli_, He thought as he turned off the water.

Eli and his manly self stepped out of the shower, not ready to start the day that had already started.

.

.

.

Eli sat at the lunch table outside, flipping through one of his comics. He preferred to be alone during lunch. He like the peace and the quiet. He just wanted to read a book/comic and listen to his music.

_Dear lord, I sound like a loner_, Eli thought and smiled to himself.

Bored, he set down his comic, dog-earring the page, and reached into his bag to pull out a scrap piece of paper. He pulled out an old geometry test from his old school. Without looking at the grade, he flipped the paper over and started drawing. He scribbled odd shapes and strange designs, and they came out bumpy and slightly exotic because of the wooden table.

Eli started to pull out another piece of paper when he saw someone sit across from him.

He cringed when he saw Clare's angry face.

"Hello, Edwards-" Eli started, putting a smirk on his face.

"Don't 'Edwards' me," She snapped and Eli wanted to laugh at her angry expression, "you never called." She added, her tone still stern.

"-I'm good, thanks for asking." He mocked and took a sip of his apple juice.

Clare glared and watched him drink the juice. Eli smirked and then sighed, deciding it better to try to calm the angry girl.

_She sure is beautiful when she's angry_, Eli thought, and not for the first time, he mentally smacked himself.

"Look, Edwards," Eli noticed a faint blush reach Clare's cheeks when he said her last name, "I'm sorry for not calling. Do you forgive me?" Eli slid his hand on top of hers and she took her hand away quickly.

"Don't mock me." Clare said, her chin out, and her voice indignant.

"Me? Mock? _Never_." Eli placed a hand on his heart and Clare huffed, "Alright, Alright. How about this. I'll call you tonight and-," Clare had began to interrupt but Eli held up his hand, "and we'll try to get together, okay?"

Clare thought about it for a moment and then sighed deeply, "Okay. Fine. But, and listen to this, Mr. Screw-the-police, call me before six."

Clare folded her arms against her chest and Eli stared at her with an awed expression, "Did you say 'screw'? I'm pretty sure that the term is 'Fuck the police'"

Her posture stiffened and her lips pursed, "I don't curse."

"Ah. You don't? Well, that _fucking_ sucks, doesn't it? Don't you get sick and _fucking_ tired of not cursing? Or do you not give a _shit_? ..._Fuck_?" Eli tried not to laugh at her reddening cheeks.

"You're obnoxious. And juvenile. And no, I don't give a...crap."

Eli howled with laughter, "You said crap! Doesn't that count?" And her face turned so red that he was afraid that it was going to explode.

Clare stood up and started walking away, her hands balled into fists at her sides. Eli stopped laughing and swiftly stood up and ran in front of her, blocking her path. Clare looked down at the ground and Eli bent his head down to try to get her to look at him.

"Come on, Edwards. You have to look at me sometime." Eli coaxed, a bit of sarcasm in his voice.

And Clare's head snapped up, without realizing that Eli's head was right there. Their faces were close, so close that Eli could count the freckles on her nose.

_Fifteen freckles. That's a good number_, Eli thought, but was mesmerized by her eyes.

And their breath mixed together. And Eli noticed that her lips were red. Red like a strawberry. And they were tempting and they looked so delicious, and he just wanted to kiss them. He felt himself lean closer to her-

Clare moved back, clearing her throat. She ran her fingers through her hair and look uncomfortable. Eli let out a gush of air that he didn't know he was holding. He bit his lip and cleared his throat, preparing to talk.

"I'm sorry. I can be a huge asshole, "And he cringed when he cursed, "But I'll call you tonight, okay? I promise." And he looked so sincere that Clare couldn't help but trust that he would call.

And Without another word, Eli walked back to his lunch table and packed up, leaving Clare to wonder what the heck just happened.

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><p>...Review? ;)<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: I don't own degrassi.**_

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><p><em><strong>Clare<strong>_

At exactly 11:00 O' clock at night, Eli calls.

Several hours after the deadline that she gave him.

Clare knew that he was trying to push her limits, and while he was doing a great job at it, she couldn't help but not care. And she couldn't explain why, but she had a giddy smile on her face when she went to pick up the phone.

"It's 11:00." Clare answers, her tone aggravated.

"Oh, would you look at that? It is!" Eli said mockingly, a smirk was detected in his voice. Clare felt a giggle bubbling up in her throat, but she quickly swallowed it down and cleared her throat.

"Lucky for you, I knew you'd do something like this, so I lied about how you had to call me by six," Her tone was smug and she let a victorious smile grace her lips, "Can we talk? I'm having trouble with this assignment."

"Can't get enough of me, can you, Edwards?" And before Clare could fire back a comment, Eli rushed in, "Don't worry, I understand," Clare heard a faint rustling from the other end and she waited for him to finish his sentence, "I'll pick you up in twenty."

"Alright. That sounds-wait, no! Why can't we just talk on the phone?"

Eli ignored her question and she heard a zipping of a bag, "Pick you up in twenty, Edwards."

"But-."

But the dial tone was the only sound that filled Clare's ear.

.

.

.

"Get in."

Clare gave him a scoffing look and stepped into the hearse. Eli had obviously cleared away cds and books, giving Clare some room to move her feet around. Clare placed her book bag on the hearse floor and glanced at the skull that was on the dashboard. It had a creepy smile and had a gray-ish tint to it.

"You're handling the hearse pretty well." Eli commented, and stared to drive.

"Yeah, well, my dad has a fire truck." Clare shot back, mocking him, with a smirk on her face. Eli glanced her way and smiled once he realized that she was kidding.

"My, oh my, Edwards. You're just being hilarious tonight."

Clare felt herself smile and closed her eyes slightly. The hearse smelled like oranges, due to the three oranges that were next to the skull.

"Where are we going?" She asked, eyeing the outside world fly by.

"A little coffee shop that's a few miles from here. They have the best fucking-sorry-scones. I'm not even kidding. I can't even begin to tell you how good these scones are. They're buttery and warm and just so…ugh. They are so good."

"Are they good?" Clare asked, a hidden smirk wormed its way onto her mouth.

"Yes! They are so-," Eli turned her head slightly to her, taking in her shaking shoulders, and slowly, the corner of his lips turn up.

They were silent for a while, keeping to their selves. Clare looked out the window, wondering if her parents heard her walking down the stairs. And if they did, would they care.

"You alright?" Eli asked, his tone soft. He glanced at Clare, hoping that the frown on her lips would disappear.

"I'm fine," Clare responded, her voice distant, "It's just that-"

But before she could finish her sentence, Morty sputtered and coughed, making the car lurch, and then go still. Both sat still for a couple of moments. Morty had decided to stop in the middle of the road, in a small town about twenty minutes from where Clare lived.

"Well, this is convenient." Eli muttered finally, tapping his nails on the steering wheel. Clare watched his black nails move up and down as she tried not to panic. It's 11 in the evening. She was with a boy that she had only known for a couple of weeks.

It was scary.

But it was almost...exciting.

"What do we do now?" She asked softly, her gaze distant. She heard Eli sigh loudly and she glanced at him in concern. He ran his fingers through his hair and squinted his eyes.

"We walk." Eli said finally, his tone firm. And with that, he opened the car door swiftly, not giving Clare time to protest. Clare stayed in the car, her body still. But when she glanced out the window, Eli was already paces ahead. And it looked like he wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Opening the door, Clare jumped out and ran to Eli, her hair flowing behind her.

Once she caught up to him, Eli smiled and turned to her, "I was wondering when you were going to come. I wasn't kidding when I was talking about the scones"

"But what about our books and schoolwork?" Clare fretted, still walking at his pace.

"Shhh."

And with a smirk, he started to run.

.

.

"You can learn a lot from looking through someone's trash. Like, this for an example," Eli grabbed a dirty rag from the nearby trashcan and held it up to a wincing Clare, "You can obviously tell by this cloth that the person was a messy eater...or painter." The rag with odd colors and Clare backed away from it.

"You don't know where that's been!"

Eli had insisted that going through the alleys were the fastest way to the bakery. Because Clare knew little of this area, she trusted his judgment. And hey, even if it wasn't shorter, she was still having fun. Between Eli's odd impersonations of famous people (And Ms. Dawes) and his weird ideas, Clare couldn't help but feel comfortable. Even though they were in an alley. Miles away from people.

"All I'm saying is that trash can show you so much about people. Some people, their bags of trash contain a bottle of shampoo and toilet paper rolls and maybe they'll have paper plates. And then others, they'll have bags filled up to the brim. And it'll be filled with everything under the sun."

"Is this what you do in your spare time?" Clare teased, stepping over the rag, "Do you pick through garbage and decide what kind of people put it there?"

"Don't judge." Eli said mockingly, leaning his head back to look at the open sky.

"God, you're weird." Clare sighed, a little giggle coming out of her throat.

"Really, Edwards? What makes you say that?" Eli looked at her curiously.

"Well, I don't know...some people say that you're obsessed with death." She said matter-of-factly and he smirked.

"I'm pretty sure that that's not the only thing that idiots say." Eli murmured bitterly and hid his eyes from Clare.

"Why do you expect the worst from people?" She asked, her voice a bit sharp, and she asked it as a challenge.

"It's better," Eli explained, jumping over a trash bag, "It's logical. Why expect good things from people who are idiots?"

"That's not the reason, that's a bull reply, and you know it." Clare scoffed, and turned to look at him, her eyes holding a bit of understanding.

"Oh, really? Then tell me, why do I do it?" He asked and turned to face her, "because you seem to know everything. So tell me. Why do I expect the worst from people?" This time, he gave her a challenge.

"You're afraid," She blurted out, and then blushed, "I mean, come on. It's typical. That whole way of thinking. The 'Why expect anything good? Life's just going to screw me up. Why bother?' type of thinking. That's just an excuse. You're afraid that in the end, you'll be left with nothing."

Eli stayed silent for a moment and took in her words. A part of him was angry that she was telling him this and that she was even talking to him in this way, but then another part, of equal size, knew that she was right.

"It's okay to be scared, sometimes." She murmured, a tone softer than the one she used before.

"I don't get scared." He muttered and started walking again, his shoulders were slumped.

"Sure you do. It makes you human." Clare spoke quietly and knowingly.

Eli sighed and felt a sinking feeling in his stomach before answering, "Then I don't want to be human."

.

.

.

"It's good, isn't it?"

"Mh-hmfghfgh."

"That's what I thought."

And as much as she wanted to tell him that it was the worst thing that she had ever tried in her life, she couldn't. Because that would be the biggest lie of her life. The scone practically melted into mouth.

After walking back to Morty, Clare ate the scone. Eli had explained that Morty had just needed some time to cool off and he'd work. So, as Eli pulled away into the night, Clare enjoyed her scone. And she couldn't help but wonder if Eli was some sort of wizard. I mean, Morty had been in the middle of the road for two hours and no one called a tow truck? But that was Eli. He was the walking mystery.

The ride home was silent. But it was comfortable. The hum of a song on the radio played and Eli's fingers kept the beat on the steering wheel. Clare just looked out the window and thought of the night that had just taken place. She felt different. Maybe because it was almost two in the morning , but Clare didn't think so. It was something bigger.

Clare let out a yawn and Eli glanced at her, a smile apparent on his face. Turning back to the road, he turned left, and soon, much to Clare's disappointment, they were at her house.

Letting out a small groan, Clare grabbed her stuff and put in on her lap. Smiling at him, she opened the door and stepped out, quietly closing the door behind her. Before she could say anything, Eli spoke.

"I had a good time tonight, Clare." He said, rolling down his window.

"You called me Clare." She pointed out, a bit shocked. That's the only thing that she could think to say.

"Don't get used to it, Edwards."

And he drove off, leaving the girl to watch the hearse slowly fade into the darkness of the night.

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><p><strong><em>I am so sorry that this took so long. My computer crashed and 3 chapters of this story got deleted. So, once I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I wrote this. ;)<em>**

**_...this isn't the best chapter. _**

**_Review, please?_**


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